Despite the ups and the downs of my 25 years so far I would not change anything about it. There are often moments of reflection but part of my understanding of living this life is that you have to face certain hurdles in order to learn the lesssons which hopefully mean that you leave this Earth a little wiser than when you arrived.
Guilt can be a huge motive for wanting to change what has passed. I think this is especially true when the death of a loved one is involved.
For me, I look back and have to physically put myself back in the time and moment that decisions were made. There are reasons for everything that has gone, there are circumstances in each of those moments as to why those decisions were made. It is not always easy to remember the details of the why, it is often much easier to blame, but in reality blaming does no good whether it be yourself or someone else.
I was recently talking regrets with my Nana, now 91 years old. She was talking about her marriage, her work before she got married and many other things after that. She suddenly looked at me and said “Bekki, if I had my time again I’m not sure I would marry.”
It then dawned on me that this woman in front of me had lived in this ever changing world for 91 years. She was brought up in the days when toilets were still at the end of the garden, she lived through World War II and here she is living to witness the extremes of modern living. The changes that she has seen throughout her life time, especially in the progression of women and how they live their lives both personally and professionally, is huge.
I discussed many of these changes with my Nana. I asked her to go right back to how life was when she go married and asked her whether she would really change the fact she got married. She looked at me and agreed that no she wouldn’t change it because it was “what you did back then.”
It was sad for me to see this woman who has lived through so many decades of change now look back at parts of her own life with regret, not based on what life was like back then, but based on what it could have been had she been born into a different era. Looking to compare the life she has led with how I, as a young woman, am now living my life in 21st Century Britain.
Even if we wanted to change the past, it has been and gone. There is no point in worrying about the things we have no control over, there is no point in looking back at what has gone and wishing we could change it.
We can look at the past as a key to unlocking the emotions tied into those events which have gone, we can express those emotions in the present in order to release how we felt at that time, and most importantly we can learn from what has been in order to change what is yet to come.
Focus on the here and now, focus on those things that we can impact positively on and live this life to the fullest, it is far too short to be wasted.